my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
