he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
