Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize