obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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