Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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