Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
