i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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