She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
