Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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