After last night, I could never be a politician.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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