rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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