im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
