im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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