If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
