As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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