: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
