East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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