it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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