he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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