My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
