Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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