peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
