How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
