hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
