so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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