She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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