guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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