the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
