Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
