8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
