it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
