how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dicks are not precious.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His nipple licking is glorious
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