You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
