Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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