She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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