his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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