the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
