I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
