i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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