Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
