AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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