Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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