Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize