His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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