apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
