we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
