I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
