Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
