Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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  (515): does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine http://tfl.nu/uuy6
  Replies (2) Good night (1231) Bad night (615)
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  (619): View more from California

  So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...

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  (619): So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way... http://tfl.nu/ma03
  Replies (13) Good night (555) Bad night (964)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom

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  (978): Why are you at a bar in Connecticut? (617): Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom http://tfl.nu/akoi
  Replies (20) Good night (3654) Bad night (641)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

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  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (58) Good night (1741) Bad night (14712)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.

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  (315): I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill. http://tfl.nu/1t9o
  Replies (9) Good night (3347) Bad night (1042)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am

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  (506): I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am http://tfl.nu/t74t
  Replies (14) Good night (1675) Bad night (2849)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"

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  (810): during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer" http://tfl.nu/avyg
  Replies (15) Good night (2912) Bad night (1478)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.

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  (402): Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home. http://tfl.nu/zy9j
  Replies (4) Good night (1236) Bad night (774)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.

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  (309): JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap. http://tfl.nu/l0kn
  Replies (8) Good night (2172) Bad night (610)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.

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  (724): Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me (1-724): He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit. http://tfl.nu/ml5w
  Replies (5) Good night (1498) Bad night (527)
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  (213): View more from California

  Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.

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  (213): Much like Dre, I was forgotten about. http://tfl.nu/kq3a
  Replies (1) Good night (587) Bad night (324)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what

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  (860): Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what http://tfl.nu/zlfv
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (269)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.

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  (303): Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept. http://tfl.nu/gkl8
  Replies (2) Good night (656) Bad night (275)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe

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  (616): You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe http://tfl.nu/yj87
  Replies (2) Good night (596) Bad night (311)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.

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  (+44): Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high. http://tfl.nu/gz43
  Replies (0) Good night (403) Bad night (224)

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