it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.