I would do horrible things to your vagina.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU