Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i dont even know how to be here
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS