I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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