I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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