U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere