mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize