Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
