Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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