Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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