He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
