Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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