i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize