I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
