I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize