Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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