last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
