Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
