Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
one two three fourrrrnication!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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