I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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