She just used a chaser for red wine.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
